Did you experience someone trying to put you down, leaving you feeling down, low on confidence, and not knowing how to deal with such an uncomfortable situation?
If yes, then watch today's episode or keep on reading because recently, I personally went through such a painful experience which left me feeling pretty down. What made the whole situation worse, was that the encounter was with a family member of mine.
However, I also realized certain key points that helped me a lot to get through that challenging moment. These tips really helped me to walk away from that ordeal with my chin held high and move forward in life with confidence, and I'm more than happy to share them with you today to help you deal with such negative haters in the best way possible.
#1 FEEL FOR THEM
Maybe you might think "What?? The idiot put me down and I have to feel for them??"
You know why?
Because you choose to be the bigger person.
You choose to take their comments as words with no substance.
Deep down, you know that the reason why the person said what they said was because they themselves think very lowly of themselves.
Sadly, some people's way of making themselves feel better, is by pushing others down - aka bullies.
#2 IDENTIFY FACT FROM SPITE
As painful as the other person's comments may be, take a moment to calm yourself down.
From a rational point of view (not an emotional one!), is there some truth to it that you can use to improve yourself? Or your skills? Or, were their words said out of pure spite?
Like I said, what they said may be really really painful, but if it has some inkling of truth to help push you forward in a helpful way, then take on the comment as constructively as you can, leave out the irrational and untrue statements.
#3 REALIZE THAT YOUR WORTH IS INTRINSIC
We all struggle with the tendency to tie our worth to our abilities and the opinions of others. We let our sense of worthiness depend on performance—on the job, at home, and even when we’re just hanging out with friends.
We exhaust ourselves by constantly trying to measure up to implicit or explicit standards and expectations. But the sense of self-worth we so desperately seek outside of ourselves already resides within us.
Back in school, sometimes when I didn't score as well like the classmate who was judging me, I felt unworthy and useless—despite how well I scored. But I’ve learned that my worthiness does not come from my knowledge as a student. My worth is intrinsic to who I am as a human being.
It cannot be bought or earned, but simply uncovered.
You do not have to wait to be accomplished in the eyes of others to feel worthy. You can choose to feel worthy right now.
#4 LAUGH IT OFF
A good way to respond to a put down is to simply laugh at it.
The person who said it will likely be confused by this response, but by showing how little their thoughts or words affected you, you might persuade them to think twice about doing it again.
If you’re in a group of people, it also gives you a position of strength because self-deprecating humor can make other people warm toward you, and not to the perpetrator.
#5 FORGIVE AND LET GO
When someone hurts you deeply with their words, the last thing on your mind at that moment is forgiveness. But your willingness to forgive and let go will lift your spirit and restore your confidence in yourself and others.
My path back to self-confidence meant forgiving the person who made the careless and hurtful remark to me. This doesn’t mean that I had to force myself to become his good friend, or pretended the incident never happened or demanded he apologizes. It just meant that I chose to stop holding on to my negative feelings toward him and let them pass through me.
It meant forgiving myself for allowing the experience to control my life for a time. It meant giving up the comfort and safety of self-loathing that gave me permission to avoid the pain, but also the payoff of personal growth.
By forgiving others, you gift yourself the gift of joy in your heart.
#6 EXIT THE SITUATION
If you don’t think being upfront that their words have hurt you is the right approach, or the person is not someone close to you, you could always choose to walk away from them. Or if you tried to express to them how their comments hurt you, but they choose to be adamant, to continue putting you down, then simply thank them and leave.
You don’t have to be rude about it. You can just say, “Thank you for your time, now I’ve got to go and do X,” or “Thank you, now I see it was clearly a bad idea to be here."
By saying 'thank you', you show that you are not and will not stoop down to their level of impoliteness. More than that, you show a position of strength because you refuse to allow them to make you lose your cool.
If you are with a group of people and you don’t want to leave entirely, you could just disappear for a few minutes to let the conversation move on to something else. Maybe use the time to go to the toilet, get some fresh air, order some food or drink, or make a quick phone call that you know always has your back.
Once you’ve had a chance to process the put-down and get your emotions in check, come back and rejoin the group or party.
Are you willing to give up years, even decades, of joyful and confident living over some mean-spirited remarks?
Are you willing to believe the lies others tell you so that they can feel better about themselves?
Are you willing to play small rather than rise to every occasion?
I didn’t think so.
Refuse to believe the voices that say you are not intelligent enough, beautiful enough, or worthy enough.
Because you alone are enough. And only you have the power to bring that realization to life.
Once you’ve watched the episode or read through this article, I’d love to hear from you.
What's your experience with such negative people? How did you deal with the situation in order to come out stronger in the end? Do share your knowledge and experience in the comments below.
I really hope these tips shared here today helps to equip you with the needed confidence to know how to manage such negative haters in the future with ease.
Thank you so much for watching, sharing, and adding your thoughts.
Live strong, and have the courage to create a life you love because your happiness matters.
Sending lots of joy and inner courage,
P.S. Have a question you’d love to ask me? Do give me your Q on my page Ask Trish Anything and I'll personally get back to you with some empowering steps to help guide you through your challenges. I look forward to serve and help you towards a brighter future, a future you've always dreamt of. Do give me your Q here.
Knowing when to ask for help and guidance is not weakness. If anything, it's a strength.