Any one who's ever felt lost in life before will know exactly how scary it can feel...
It makes you dread waking up, wondering what step should they take next, feeling a lack of purpose inside, and fear that they are simply wasting their time in life, walking aimlessly towards potentially nothing.
All that can be seen ahead is a dark empty space.
I know that feeling all too well. I've felt not lost once, twice, but three times in life already. I wish I could tell you it gets easier each time, sadly I can't.
Each time I was hit with that feeling of emptiness, making me doubt everything in life, my purpose, my existence, it was caused by different reasons, thus I had to really go through the whole process and to learn to claw myself out of the dark hole again.
Hard times, but boy did I learn - a lot.
I learned that feeling lost and having no sense of purpose wasn't that I was lost indefinitely, it is purely me going through a phase of change. From a familiar environment, people, and way of life, into a new, unknown territory. It is literally like walking blindly, with only a dim glimmer of faith within me that was somehow the only thing keeping me alive and helping me move forward in life.
Forward towards what exactly was what scared the daylights out of me...
No matter how lost you feel right now, the good news is my dear friend, you will find yourself again.
Learning through video is more your thing? No problem. Then check out the video below.
WHY WE GET "LOST" IN LIFE
There are numerous triggers that can cause this feeling to evoke within us. Perhaps:
you recently went through a drastic change in your life?
you're living a life on someone else's terms
you're stuck in a toxic relationship or had a bad breakup
you're working your butt off in a meaningless job just to pay the bills and make sure your kids have food to eat
you recently lost a loved one?
you fear that the person you want to be is simply not possible and so you feel like you are nothing
All these are some of the frequent reasons that my clients have shared with me that made them feel lost and lose purpose their sense of purpose in life.
Whatever the reasons are, let me just tell you again - you CAN and WILL find yourself again. All that you are going through right now, is just a phase.
You are going through change. Change more often than not can be a scary feeling as we're forced to leave behind the person we used to be, learning to evolve and adapt into a new way of life.
MY EXPERIENCES WITH FEELING LOST IN LIFE
1st time: Got played - BIG time
The first time I was hit with this feeling of uncertainty and lost all sense of purpose in life was after being played by a guy I thought was serious about me, but in the end, he turned out to be a player.
He even told me he wanted to marry me and promised me all kinds of sweet promises. In the end, not only did he leave me without even blinking, he even cheated me of a large sum of my hard earned money.
2nd time: Moving countries
After I got married and moved from Singapore to Germany, I went through a phase of depression. I left behind my stable career that I worked so many years to build, my family, friends, everything.
I came to Germany and felt like I was left to restart my life from ground zero.
In a country where I didn't know the language, had to learn new rules, a new way of life, get used to the cold, gloomy weather, basically relearn everything I knew about "life", I can safely say it was a depressing and dark time in my life.
I was happy to have married the man I've been praying for all my life, but at the same time, I couldn't help but question myself if I did the right thing.
3rd time: After giving birth
After being married for about 2 years, one fine day, I suddenly thought to myself that perhaps I was finally ready for motherhood.
Boy was I wrong. Dead wrong.
I didn't know how much my life would change. I wasn't ready for a little one being so dependent on me 24/7, the sleepless nights, weight gain, mood swings, stress, everything. I would safely say that I was battling with Post Partum Depression for the first 6 months after giving birth.
Being a first time mum and with no family or friends around to help me, it was a really lonely and depressing experience. What made matters worse was the fact that I was living in a rural area, with no life, filled with elderly folks, trees, cows, goats, and no one to talk to. Even if I did want to strike up a conversation with someone, in all likelihood, they didn't speak English. Go figure.
In all these 3 moments in my life that I felt so completely lost with no direction or purpose what so ever, deep within me, I felt like a total failure.
I felt I had zero direction in my life.
I felt so alone.
I questioned EVERYTHING in my life and how I even got myself to where I was.
I was in a dark place. I was lost, unhappy, and felt nothing on the inside. Sometimes I even felt like ending my life to end the pain I was feeling.
REFUSING TO GIVE IN
Perhaps it is the fighting spirit that I was blessed to be born with, no matter how dark my thoughts were, I never could simply just give up on life or myself. I just couldn't. My spirit wouldn't let me.
What helped me a lot through those dark times, was taking the necessary time to do lots of self-reflection, learn from my past mistakes, and assess how I can do better moving forward.
Through all my soul-searching journey, here are the tips that has helped me find my sense of happiness and purpose in life again.
#1 TAKE TIME TO ASK YOURSELF THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
Chances are you feel the way you feel because you feel you're running out of time or you're disappointed that things are not unfolding how you envisioned it.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe challenges happen to us to prevent us from getting harmed? To divert our path to stop us from potentially walking blindly into a dark hole that could mess up your life terribly?
Whether this idea seems a little too "out there" for you, I do personally believe that sometimes God or the Universe delays our plans or gives us heartbreaks or problems in order to "save" us from going down a possible pitfall.
Just because you aren't going as fast as you had hoped for, doesn't mean your plans aren't working.
Just because your plans aren't happening smoothly, doesn't mean you weren't meant to achieve them.
Yes, you can question yourself when things are going wrong. But, instead of questioning yourself to blame or doubt yourself, asking yourself, "Why did this happen to me?" "What have I done wrong to deserve this?"
Instead, ask yourself what can you learn from this roadblock? How can you use these challenges to do better moving forward?
#2 LACK OF SOCIAL SUPPORT
Now I don't mean social media. I mean to go out there and really socialize face to face with another human being.
According to the US National Institute of health, social support is an important factor that can affect mental health.
How many of us are plugged into social networks that offer real, substantial support?
There's nothing wrong with being "social" through social media, but what about going out there and simply connecting with real people?
One of my clients who I coached recently, came to me because he just went through a bad breakup, had problems with his family, lost his business, and was feeling depressed and lost in life. One of the questions I asked him, was to tell me what he did in a day. He replied telling me that he did this, that, etc, but not even a mention about meeting friends or family.
When I asked him, how about going out and socialize more? I told him it would definitely help his mental wellbeing. His answer shocked me. He said, "I have no money for socializing. I have limited income."
I don't doubt that he has limited income, however I'm sorry, but in all honesty, that's an excuse. Who ever said that you needed a lot of money to socialize? It can cost you very little or even nothing at all!
It's not always that you need money to socialize. You could use Facebook Groups to join get togethers. Maybe someone might host an event at their homes and you could take part? Or ask a friend out for a coffee? Or join a running club or music club and go connect with people that share the same passion as you?
The good thing here is, you get to socialize and you get to do the things or sports that you are passionate about. It's a double win!
If you are like me and you are living in a foreign country, you could even try joining a community for expat living abroad such as Internations.
Trust me on this one. Going out to socialize will give you so much of joy and help you regain that feeling of having a sense of purpose in life.
#3 DROP THE DESIRE TO BE "SOMEBODY"
We are brought up to believe that we have to "be someone", that life will be far better and more satisfying if we earn a lot, become a "somebody", influence others and "make a difference" in the world.
It's nice to set big goals. But it is more important to set the right goals that brings you happiness and not false goals that were burdened onto you by someone else or by society.
When you try too hard to be someone you are not, it creates unnecessary pressure and stress for yourself.
Whatever work you do or contributions you make to the world, do it with the intention to serve; to help others from your heart without expectation. When you act selflessly, what you do then becomes natural to you, not forced.
You will be happy and at peace with yourself because you are simply living a life of meaning and a life to simply feed your inner "ego".
Having an ego is not wrong. We all have it, so do I. But it is critical to not let it dictate how you should live your life or who you should be.
You don't have to be a "somebody" because you are already a somebody. You are a father or a mother to your child, a friend, a sister or a brother, a daughter or a son, and above all, you are a child of God.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said,
"When the ego dies, the soul awakes."
Cry if you must, scream if you must, go for a long run, go for a holiday, do whatever that you need to do to let go of that burden or pressure in your heart. Once you're done, dig deep to find courage from within, to keep moving forward in life.
Once you’ve watched or read through this article, I’d love to hear from you.
In what moments in life caused you to feel "lost" and lose your sense of purpose? What did you try to help "find" yourself again and how did it work out for you? Do share your knowledge and experience in the comments below.
Share as much detail as you can. Many lovely souls come here for insight and inspiration. Your story may be just what someone else needs to have a major breakthrough.
Thank you so much for watching, sharing, and adding your thoughts. I really hope these tips shared here has helped to give you some clarity and assurance that this is just a phase. You will find yourself and your purpose in life again dear friend.
Live strong, and have the courage to create a life you love because your happiness matters.
With SO much 💖,
P.S. Have a question you’d love to ask me? Do give me your Q on my page Ask Trish Anything and I'll personally get back to you with some empowering steps to help guide you through your challenges. I look forward to serve and help you towards a brighter future, a future you've always dreamt of. Do give me your Q here.
Knowing when to ask for help and guidance is not weakness. If anything, it's a strength.
P.P.S. **BOOKS I RECOMMEND**
#thrivewithtrish #lifeadvice #lifetips #happinesscoach #confidencecoach #feelinglostinlife #behindinlife #feelingstuckinlife #findingyourpurposeinlife #howtofindmeaninginlife #waystofindmeaninginlife #nopurposeinlife