Updated: Jan 13
Going through a breakup is always difficult, no matter the circumstances. But going through a breakup after being in an unhealthy relationship with an insensitive ex that was harsh with his words or actions can feel even worse. It’s important to remember you’re not alone and have the support of family and friends to get you through this tough time. Plus, it’s necessary to remember that a breakup is temporary -- the feeling will not last forever.
The way I coach my clients to get over a bad ex which has helped them tremendously, a strategy even I use to help myself get over an unkind ex, is by first analysing the painful words or experience that occurred, really break it down to understand if there is truth in it or not, and then use certain strategies to help myself move on stronger than ever.
The good news is, the points I'd like to share with you to reflect on as well as the recommended strategies are easy to put into motion to start the process of healing your heart right away. It costs you nothing. It only requires you to dig a little deeper, find it within you to open your heart, and rewire your mind to change the way you see your ex, the breakup, and how you deserve to move on onto a happier future without your pain from the past holding you captive.
Learning through video is more your thing? No problem. Then check out the video below.
A client of mine recently came to me, telling me that her ex boyfriend used to tell her she looked ugly and unappealing. His comments has impacted and ruined her self esteem greatly. She feels as if no man would ever want her now.
How will she get over this?
ASSESSING THE TRUTH FROM THE LIES
If your ex felt you look ugly and unappealing, but still went after you and entered into a relationship with you anyway, so… what does that say about him?
This actually says plenty about him.
He probably only wanted to be with you to gain something from you, maybe a sexual or financial need. Aren’t you glad you are no longer with such a selfish, heartless man, and now you are free to find a true gentleman that can treat you right?
He thinks he is a good looking stud who can get any woman he likes. Which, he may, but with a crappy attitude like his, do you think his relationships will really last?
He is obviously as blind as a bat, because he only sees you and judges you for your external looks based on his own narrow-minded perspective, but he fails to see your true inner beauty and amazing soul. Would you really take the words from such a guy seriously?
He thinks he is God, which he is clearly not. No one is. So who is he to judge you? Truth be told - NO ONE can judge another person on this planet. Why? Because we have all either sinned in one way or another. If he can tell you he has never made one mistake in all his life, that would be a big fat lie.
He ain’t so intelligent (sorry to break it to you). Because if he was, he would know better than to compare one human being to another. Each of us is like a unique flower. We each have our own strengths and flaws. Comparing one person to another is like comparing a lily, to a rose or to a dandelion. Is it fair to say that anyone of these flowers is ugly or basic? Or any one of these flowers are more superior than the other?
ACKNOWLEDGE ONLY WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO VALIDATE
Why hold on to the words or criticisms of a shallow-minded man about you? By doing so, you’re giving him validation that he has the power to tell you what you are worth. But, if you can laugh it off, and tell him “thank you, but no thank you for your time. Adios sucker!”, then thereafter focus on not only being the best version of yourself, and also on creating the life you’ve dreamt of, that would be your way of telling him that he has ZERO power whatsoever to tell you what you are worth and what you are capable of becoming.
True story, I used to feel and think exactly like that. Once upon a time, I believed no man would ever love me because of my extremely low self-esteem. That, in turn, became my reality. I started to attract all the guys with the worst intentions. I felt so unwanted and got my heart broken countless times. I created my own torturous life story.
I went through this vicious cycle, up until I was so sick of all the heartaches, I decided to rewrite the story of my life.
And now, I’m happy to say I’m married to a sexy, loving husband, I have a sweet baby girl, I’ve been a finalist in 2 international beauty pageants (including Miss Universe), and I’m a Confidence Life Coach, helping others break free from their negative self-talk and realizing their awesomeness.
3 KEY POINTS TO REFLECT ON TO HELP YOU MOVE ON STRONGER
Point #1 Your ex was your past, not your present nor your future
The past is gone, but the future is unwritten. Focusing on the past only distracts you from building the life that you want now as well as for the future.
As Tony Robbins says, "where focus goes, energy flows." You have the chance to create the future that you want, so let go of the past, focus on the future, and invest your energy into writing a good one.
Point 2 # Beauty truly does lie in the eyes of the beholder
Confession time: I used to dislike the tone of my voice and the shape of my feet. Turns out, oddly enough the first thing that attracted my husband to me was my voice. And, he loves my feet no matter what I think about them.
So just because your ex couldn’t see or appreciate your beauty, just means you haven’t met a real man with a sincere heart that can see you for all your beauty, kindness, and strengths.
Point 3 # Forgive your ex
If you can, try to find it in your heart to forgive your ex for his immature behaviour and meaningless words. By doing so, you will release negative energy in your heart and mind to make room for positive energy ❤️
Don’t harbour negative energy in your heart. It won’t serve you in any way, and it certainly won’t hurt him whatsoever. It’s only gonna drag you down deeper into a darker, unhappier hole.
In the end, the power to define your self-worth lies in your hands. Not your exes, not haters, but yours. Are you gonna let these “smarty-pants” people tell you what you are made of? Or will you take control of your life, your destiny, and show them just how fabulous you are?
Seriously, don’t let one man destroy your life or future. There’s not just one fish in the sea, there are millions of them to choose from.
Once you’ve watched or read through this article, I’d love to hear from you.
What steps have you taken to get over an emotionally abusive relationship? Do share your knowledge and experience in the comments below.
Share as much detail as you can. Many lovely souls come here for insight and inspiration. Your story may be just what someone else needs to have a major breakthrough.
My dears, in order to feel beautiful, wanted, loved, confident, and to get over the hurtful words of your ex, you need to visualize and believe in all of your own amazingness, in all your beauty, and in all that you are capable of achieving.
Because if you yourself aren't able to see your own strengths, how are others going to see them?
I really hope this helps. All the best in moving on, building the life you love, and meeting the man who will love and treasure you for all that you are 😘
Thank you so much for watching, sharing, and adding your perspective. Now go write and plan out the future of your dreams, a future free of unkind and untrue negative self-talk.
Live strong, and have courage to create a life you love because your happiness matters.
With SO much 💖,
P.S. Have a question you’d love to ask me? Do give me your Q on my page Ask Trish Anything and I'll personally get back to you with some empowering steps to help guide you through your challenges. I look forward to serve and help you towards a brighter future, a future you've always dreamt of. Do give me your Q here.
Knowing when to ask for help and guidance is not weakness. If anything, it's a strength.
P.P.S. **BOOKS I RECOMMEND TO HELP YOU CREATE A LOVING, LASTING RELATIONSHIP**
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